Is It Going To Storm?

I was in a funk on Sunday; it was one of my "I've failed at everything" moments. These are usually such terrifying moments, contemplating that possibility, that I change the internal subject as quickly as possible and fervently hope for the best. This time, I let the thought continue, and tried to confront it. What if I have squandered all that was given to me, made the wrong decisions time after time, missed opportunities too many times to count? What if I get the official letter, the Certificate of Complete Failure? Well it reminds me of something someone once said to my friend Jackson, who was having a very hard time; he'd been in prison, got sick there, anti-psychotics ravaging him, all kinds of problems. His uncle once told him, "Jackson, you're lucky, you've totally failed. No one expects anything of you any more." The thing is I'm not so worried about others' expectations as I am about my own. But I started to consider, what do I do if I get this letter, this Certificate? I'm a failure, my life didn't work out, but still here I am waking up every day. So far. So what do I do now? Do I change my plans now that I know none of them will work out? No. Just keep doing the same thing. But without the possibility of any kind of benefit, to me, others, or God. I'll just keep on doing the same thing, even tho....